9225 todays find; flickr user ana k/anaphylatic good breadth of scans from magazines like maniax and burst, not something i find easily otherwise!

and this song as well おニャン子クラブ performing セーラー服を脱がさないで i really love finding older horny idol songs like this, similar to jun togawas "osozaki girl"; i have to wonder who took inspiration from who, or if it was just a coincidence that the two songs were so similar. thinking about it, im sure its no big stretch to figure out why the topic came up multiple times during the broader un-repression of the 80s - wanting sex and not getting it isnt the most ridiculous topic to sing about. maybe the traditional idol music format is just appealing to confusion.

its been hard to get interested in anything these days; the way depression and anxiety makes things spiral away. i cant even bring it up in me to be jealous of people who have art careers or do what they love everyday. the people online i see day to day are annoying to me or loved by me, just like the rest of the human race. being a lesbian is all i really have to hold onto deeply anymore-the culture and the love of women and the sexuality; what else can i do.

71424 this will be the first official "update" for this page, and its contents. i plan to treat this website like my own diary and personal informational archive; sharing updates from my life and information about the stuff i love, be it in review format or just a desperate throwaway to try and get somebody interested. ive become slowly interested in the pirating/old web culture, and my interest in any modern social media has waned as my frustration with censorship has grown. im a fan of pornography and old movies first and foremost, and this has been the driving point of my very small dvd collection. i enjoy dvds a lot, and as many other dvd collectors can attest to in this day and age, it feels incredible to hold something in your hands that you know for certain You Own; that you can watch as many times as you want and nobody can hide it behind a paywall. ive particularly enjoyed procuring dvds of obscure japanese shows, ones where i cannot even find torrents of them online. theres a very specific kind of selfish satisfaction in it, when i can watch something like that and know im probably one of hundreds in the world that still has dvds of it. im still learning how it would be possible for me to burn these dvds and create torrents of them, but i will when im able to.

i have numerous plans for both the look of this site and its various sidepages, and i promise with time itll look a lot better than it currently does; but i need an outlet more than anything, so thatll remain the focus for now and ill come back and tweak things as time goes on. primitivity can be exciting, can it not :)? enjoy the possibility of new things that look a little ugly and unpolished; theres not much of it left!

as long as ive used the internet, ive aspired to cultivate myself; my image, into something exciting and beautiful. ive been shaped by my time here, allowed it to mold me instead of me molding myself. and i dont think this is wrong for me, but i hope this site can serve as a way to grow into something much more honest, more perverted, more uncomfortable for the people around me. i see the beauty in that kind of aspiration, in the way the web and everything on it can shape me same as it would if i had experienced it in real life. i want you here with me, let me show you who i am and who i can be and let me see the same of you （。々°）i love you and the terrible people we can be together.
i wont let you down, youre my friend.